Why am I starting this block in the first place? Nobody on this website is probably seriously interested in the answer to this question. Everybody who is surfing here knows why. Why are we all here and not out there, in the “real life” having some “real fun”? Why are we starring at this dead screen that can give us nothing but images of the world, impressions of something which we want but can’t have. People say that the internet brings people together and that it can help you find many friends. I doubt this. Friendship consists of so much more than images. So much more than communication. People nowadays praise the times as the age of communication. They say the world has become smaller. Technologies put us on the rise. Technologies bridge the world. They make us believe that if you can reach somebody, if you can get in contact to somebody, you will understand that person. And that person will understand you. I figure this is not true. They ignore the fact that to understand somebody means to feel how that person can feel. To understand somebody is that you actually know how that person feels. I don’t think anybody can do this. All the world, everything that you know, comes out of you, of your own mind. You don’t know anything else but your mind. So how can you then feel how it is to be in someone else’ mind, to have someone else’ soul? I am not even sure if other people have a soul, I’m not even sure if I have a soul. When you understand somebody you think that you know how that person feels. But how do you do this? Well, you look for similarities between you and that person. You think, wow, she wrote this and that. If I wrote this and that I would feel like this. So you think that person feels like you. Because you would feel like it if you were in the situation. That’s the reason why you understand your brothers and sisters better than the strangers. Because you resemble them. Because you can extrapolate yourself better to them. You have more in common with them. That’s why the comparison is easier. The comparison of the eye. The internet can never bring people closer together, the internet can never make people overstand each other. A text, a screen. The true secret is that if you communicate on the internet, you talk to yourself. You see images and you see yourself in them. You don’t ever see others, you only see yourself. You see yourself in Ethopia, you see yourself in Europe, you see yourself in Jamaica. Real overstanding starts when it is not easy anymore to put oneself in the other. When there is no possibility to relate to that one. Real overstanding starts when one has to accept somebody else and has to consider that person’s need even she cannot understand them. Even if she doesn’t know how it feels.
I didn’t start writing here because I want friends. I want no-friends. I feel I am caged within a network, a society of friends that hinders me from being who I am. I don’t want to have friends who read my stuff, because I wanna be free in what I write. I wanna feel that whatever grap I write, nobody will ever know. Nobody in my environment will make jokes about it or look at me strangely for the rest of my life. I wanna let it out, I wanna write all that I think, because my heart has to heal. There are so many things in my heart n sould that I can’t carry inside myself anymore. They want out, they wanna be in the world with me. They don’t wanna hide inside me, imprisoned in my body and invisible. They don’t wanna be invisible anymore, they want to be visible. They want to stand there, they want to exist with their own right. And they wanna reach people. They wanna speak and they request answer! The people around me cannot hear them, because they cannot overstand them. They do not overstand me at all, they think I am crazy. The don’t know about the blessing I received. They don’t know about the light I see, but darkness is following me. I never trust the people around me, they could turn into enemies any time. They could become negative. I guess this what it means, living in Babylon. There is a steady depression, there is a steady threat. The lonliness that a woman can feel is infinite. The universe is great, Jah Bless, the wonder we received are unspeakable. But the world goes in two directions, it can be greater or smaller. If you step inside yourself, you feel yourself constantly surrounded by walls that seperate you from the world. I don’t want my friends to know what is in my heart. Because they are not my real friends. They don’t know how to feel themselves into a person who was born different from them. Who is and always is in society, where the life is not free. Where you get laughed at, despiced even, if you prefer things different than others. If you feel a spirit you are not allowed to feel. Living in Babylon.